Grappling with guilt

"6For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 7For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— 8but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:6-8)

We are given a chance to escape the wrath of the God of the Universe, which we deserve, by trusting that Jesus died for us on the cross, which we do not deserve. There is nothing we can do to escape the reality that we are rebels against God. There is nothing we can do to save ourselves from that wrath. All we can do is completely surrender ourselves, our sinful, rebellious natures, and nail them down to the cross with Christ Jesus, who took the punishment for that very nature by dying a death He did not deserve. The guiltless made guilty, making the truly guilty completely guiltless. It is all God's doing, His salvation in Christ, nothing to do with us. It is for the glory of God to fulfill His plan in bringing His people under Him as God, we are a part of that plan because God wants us to be, nothing at all to do with us at all.

So why do we feel guilty?

If we think this through, it is thoroughly illogical to feel guilty now, because Christ died for us. He took that punishment, so that we can be free. "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" says Romans 8:1. We are free, not because we deserve to be, but because Christ conquered sin and death by dying Himself, and later rising again as endorsement from God, that victory assured and complete.

Yet, we still feel guilty. I feel guilty. In fact, it's something I can greatly struggle with. Guilt is a very dangerous feeling, a redundant feeling, yet not one we can simply brush under the carpet and dismiss anyone feeling guilty as a weak person who needs to read the Bible properly. We all fall into THAT category!

Guilt is a tool of the satan, the accuser. Defeated at the cross of Jesus forever, the satan now seeks to undermine the progression of God's Word in the world by attacking the most vulnerable point, us. We know our grace is utterly undeserved, and we are not led to forget that. Unfortunately, the accuser sends us the other way. We feel responsible for the death of Christ, and when we mess up again and again as people under that grace of God, our thoughts of remorse and guilt consume us. We forget that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. While it is of course a right response to recognise our sinfulness, it is dangerous to neglect the flip side of the coin, that though we are sinners, we are washed clean of our sin by the blood of Jesus. He died so that we may live, and one day be made righteous and perfect with God (Ephesians 1:3-10), and nothing we do changes that.
If we adhere to the Biblical truth that God set us apart before the creation of the world, in order to be one day made holy and blameless (Ephesians 1:4, 5, 11, 2:1-10, Romans 8:28-39, Romans 9:14-29; Acts 13:48; John 6:44), we find great comfort in many facts:

Firstly, the Sovereignty of God, who saw fit to unite His people, sinners as they are, under Him, to be made Holy and blameless, achieving this by the cross of Jesus Christ and that alone.

Secondly, the cleansing of God's people. Sinners though we are and will continue to be until the New Creation (Revelation 21-22), the blood of Christ has cleansed us from our sin. We are not perfect now, but we are forgiven now.

Thirdly, the permanence of the truth. Jesus died once, and for all "For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God" says 1 Peter 3:18a. This death was not a case of dying for specific sins, and some being outside of it. This death was for the forgiveness of sin, past, present and future. You can't commit a sin and not be saved by the blood. If you commit something on purpose and do not repent, then you are not trusting in God and are outside of the promise anyway. You would not do that if you knew the score, for, as Romans 8:38-39 states: "38For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

So we see, we need not feel guilty, for Christ has borne our punishment, permanently, as part of God's Sovereign and merciful plan in uniting us under Him, which He decided before we existed. What I am NOT saying however, is that this is an excuse to sit back and dismiss the active sin in your life. It is important to maintain a balance in this case between focusing on the grace, and always repenting. If we trust in Christ, then naturally we will want to live for Christ. Don't let guilt be a stumbling block. Keep repenting out of love for the God who died for you.

I often struggle greatly with guilt. For me anyway, part of it is indeed a pride issue, wanting to do the right thing, say the right thing, be righteous, basically. What a wrong attitude though. All we do is tainted with our sinful desires and motivations behind it. We are imperfect made worthy by Christ's blood alone.

Thinking back to a time about half way through my third year of university, I was greatly struggling with guilt, of how rubbish I was, and worthless, not deserving to be counted amongst the saved. At the time I was attending a conference on the cross of Christ, a subject so key to our understanding of what we believe, and yet a subject I had not given much time and study for. Being refreshed on the doctrine of the cross, there came a most wonderful feeling of relief that rushed over me as I was again reminded that Jesus died for me, and took my guilt and shame away. What a love, what a cost! (For further reading I fully and warmly recommend my favourite Christian book outside of the Bible, The Cross of Christ, by John Stott)

If you struggle with guilt, I urge you to take time to sit down, take a deep breath, and reflect on the truth of the Bible. We are all sinners, you are not alone. Those feelings of worthlessness and that you are the worst Christian around are echoed by many others, me included. Yes we are rubbish, but not worthless, for Christ Jesus died for us to make us worthy. Yes we are undeserving, but yes we are made righteous, more than conquerors by the sacrifice of Christ, and Christ alone. Reflect on the passages in this section, and pray to our Heavenly Father, in the name of the Son, by the Holy Spirit to guard you against guilt, keep you repentant and keep you focused and reminded of the awesome truth of the gospel, that while we were still sinners, Christ did die for us. And that grace never ends because you keep slipping up. Keep recognising and repenting, keep trusting, keep fighting, for one day you will see perfection, by Christ.

If you know someone struggling with guilt, get alongside them and love them. Remind them of your own sinfulness, as well as every single person on earth's, and keep gently pointing them to the truths of the gospel. Any of the passages here will be good places to point them towards, and gently remind them of that grace that we put our trust in.

Keep praying, keep fighting, keep trusting in God.

Parental's part 2:-the sins of the father

Feel free not to listen to me, I'm not a parent, I'm just an observer, but hey, some observations are accurate.

I saw the film 'East is East' on television last night. I had seen most of it previously, and to be honest, I struggle with the labeling of it as a comedy. To me it is anything but.

To those who have not seen it, 'East is East' is a film set in Salford in 1971, and focuses on a family of 9 who run a successful chip shop. The father is a traditional Pakistani Muslim who has been married for a long time to an Irish-Catholic woman, and have 7 children, who were born in Britain but of course have Pakistani descent.

The father is a domineering traditionalist, seeking to bring up his children as Muslim. What he does not realise is, though his sons accompany him to the Mosque once a week, all bar one are not interested, and in fact, behind their father's back, do not comply. For example, the film opens with the non-Muslim members of the family (that is the mother, all sons bar one and the daughter) are seen secretly taking part in a Catholic march, and other times, the older children are seen secretly cooking and consuming bacon, something forbidden for a Muslim.

The film deals with the eldest son running away from an arranged marriage, to which his father responds by disowning him, his younger sons rebelling against arranged marriages of their own, but the father accusing the wrong son (ironically, the practicing Muslim), and beating him up. The father beats his own wife, twice, during the course of the film, and forces his youngest son, aged nine, to be circumcised. I must point out that this son's term of endearment by his own father is 'bastard'.

All the way through the film, the father is trying to teach the Muslim way to his children, by bullying and violence if his demands are not met.

This is a huge stereotype attributed to many families trying to teach their children to follow a particular way of life, and sickeningly, it's not too far from the truth in a lot of cases.

As Christian men, we are called by the Bible to teach our children the word of God, to show them the truth and live by said truth. Ephesians 6:4 says:

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

As men, we are to lead as Christ led, teaching, loving, and self-sacrificially, not with dictatorial violence and bullying, not provoking our children to anger and therefore driving them away from the love of Christ shown most on the cross. We are to teach the Bible, which most try to do, but the very important fact is, they fail to live the Bible. The dad in the film was not heretical in his teachings, but I very much doubt there is room to bully your way of life to your own family.
That is not the way of the cross. Christ died in a violent way, not to others, but Himself. The Christian martyr dies because they refuse to renounce Christ, they are murdered, they DO NOT murder.
Christian fathers can fall into two categories: they either do not live up to their leadership, and are timid, or they take their Biblical role of leadership to mean domination, and tryincal households are born. I confess that out of the two, I would more likely fall into the latter camp. We are so keen to get our point across that we sacrifice relationships to do it sometimes. Our pride is that powerful. This is sin, that we think we are God, the ultimate Father. This is reality, we are just as undeserving of grace as the people we try to teach. Yet God has sent Jesus to die for us.
This is what we are to teach, the grace of the gospel, the truth of the Bible, and we are to live it as well. For how can we teach what we do not live? 1 Peter 2:9-12 states:

"⁹But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. ¹⁰ Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

¹¹Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. ¹² Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation."

We have nothing to boast in, save in the grace that has been given to us by God. We are not like this world, we are to stand out by speaking and living for Jesus. That should be the same as we teach our children. Not beat them into submission, but love them by putting ourselves out for them, showing them the good of God by how we live and speak. It is God who saves, not us. We need to be loving and being loving does include discipline, Godly discipline that brings those we teach to a repentance and faith in Christ, not beating them to a bloody pulp and calling them 'bastard'.

Some thoughts after seeing some billboards-the X Factor

So, the X factor...
I confess I generally avoid it, except the first third of the series, which is generally watching some funny auditions. After this, I lose interest, and wait until the winner will release their one and only single, to then vanish. Who has heard anything by Steve Brookstien lately? Or G4? Shane Ward? Andy Abraham? Or indeed, if we go throughout the many reality TV shows, we find that out of all of them, it's only Girls Aloud that are doing much these days...
Anyway, on the bus this morning a billboard for the X Factor caught my eye. This is what it said :"Make the biggest decision of their lives." That was all. It's obviously trying to get people to vote.
Now that is interesting. For one, it's not at all down to those involved. They all have talent, one is not better than the other, they cannot guarentee themselves a place in a recording studio. Neither can the judges, who have taught and mentored them. They have their opinions, and indeed predictions, but they can't do a thing for them either.
It is down to the viewing population of Britain. They cast the votes, and to be honest, it's not always about who is the better singer, which it actually should be about. People vote on looks, personality, talent, and indeed in my dad's case, whether they are Welsh or not (It's going to be a dilema for him this year...with no less than 2 Welsh finalists)
That billboard encourages you to help cast a person into fame, or back to their day jobs.
Interesting isn't it?
When I looked at that billboard, I thought about the most important decison of my life, the decision to follow Jesus as Lord. That decision was made for me, according to the Bible, have a look at Romans 8:28-30:

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified."

(For more on Romans 8, see my earlier post http://storytimewithaled.blogspot.com/2009/09/some-thoughts-on-romans-8.html)

These verses tell us thus. Firstly, God is Sovereign. He is at work in this world, for His glory, and therefore our good. He has known from the beginning, indeed predestined us from the very beginning to be saved by Jesus' sacrifice on the cross. Secondly, God is merciful. He has predestined us, called us to Him, and justified and glorified us by the blood of His Son Jesus Christ.

Therefore, it is not up to us that we are saved, for if it were, some of the glory would go to us and not God.
God gives us the decision, made, by His mercy in sending Jesus to die for us. "Make the biggest decision of their lives", Jesus has already done it.!

For some more Bible truths of predestination, check out Ephesians 1:4,5,11, 2:1-10; Romans 9:14-29; Acts 13:48; John 6:44)

Dealing with depression

It's not something we talk about much is it?
Depression is one of those things we like to brush under the carpet and not talk about, nor want to get involved with. When you tell someone you have it, immediately their behaviour towards you changes, you are now treated like you are a ticking bomb ready to go off as soon as something is said.
Be prepared, this is not easy reading, nor indeed easy writing, but hey, depression is a fact of life for so many people, so many students as well as non-students. You are going to come across it sooner or later. I pray so much that you will never experience it, but you will probably know someone who has it, or has had it. Those of you who know me fall into that category.
I can't put a definite time line on when I had depression from, but I can make some educated guesses. I apologise now, for the next few paragraphs are going to be about me, my struggle with depression, and how God has brought me out of that struggle. I write this to make people aware of depression, and how they can encourage those Christian brothers and sisters they know who are struggling with it.

I am not a doctor, so I do not have a medical definition of depression. It is an illness that completely consumes every fibre of your being. It is inescapable, and having it was the hardest time of my life.
I guess the roots of it first came about in 2003. I was not having a good time at school, I had been bullied for two or so years at that point, and I felt like there was no way out. I had not accepted that Jesus was my Lord at that point, despite what I may have told you at the time, and I therefore viewed my situation as completely hopeless, no way out. So I tried to make a way out, and harmed myself. Was it a suicide attempt? Well, I guess not, it was just a cry for attention.
I repeated that a further two time in that year, and I guess I just settled down, things got less intense, and of course, when I was 17 years old, God brought a friend into my life who told me the gospel, brought me to our school CU, and indeed, thanks to the fact we started dating, ended up making the same university choices, and eventually going up to Lancaster becoming a part of Moorlands Evangelical Church and Lancaster University Christian Union. I am so thankful to God for instigating that. It's so awesome to see and know that He is in control, and working all things together for His glory and our good (Romans 8:28-LOOK IT UP-GOD IS AWESOME!)
In between becoming a Christian and coming to Lancaster, there was a hard period of my life. That friend and I split up, and yes, that was hard. My first girlfriend, my first break up, it was horrible.
It was also at that time that I had been really challenged to read the Bible for myself, and take it seriously. This challenge had come from meeting my future Pastor, Danny Rurlander, on the Lancaster University open day, where all the conversations had been about God, the Bible, and the church.
I took that as a challenge to read the Bible, and therefore, during that long period of sadness, I got to read of God's goodness and wisdom, His sovereignty and complete control, both in the book of Job,and the Psalms.
God, by His Spirit is constantly at work in our lives, changing us and growing us to be more like Christ (Romans 8), and by the time I reached Lancaster in the autumn of 2006, I had grown, but was still fragile.
My parents split up on Christmas day 2006, and I thank God that I had been at a Bible-teaching church for so long at that point, otherwise I don't know where I would have been. God is good, and I am not. My initial reaction as I stood in my parent's bedroom hearing all of the lies, the rows, and now the fact that their marriage was over, was to walk to my own room, and stand there for a while, and decide NOT to read my Bible that day, nor for the next 5 days.
That was a bad move. When we suffer, how can we turn from the God of all comfort? (2 Corinthians 1:3-11). By God's grace, I picked up my Bible again, and was encouraged by glorious future we have who hope in Christ (Revelation 21-22)
I returned to Lancaster, shattered, but still standing, by God's grace alone. As news from home kept coming in, I was being battered. What was an awesome encouragement was the reaction of Moorlands.
When one is depressed, it is vital to get alongside and support them. And that is what my church family did.
I had emailed Danny about it over the holiday, and the first Sunday I got back, I had so many people come up to me, offering their support and prayers, and it was awesome. God is awesome.
That term flew by, and thanks to God through Moorlands and the CU, I was able to get by. That was the term that Jo and I got together, and there were such happy times.
Then I went home for Easter.
On reflection, I am quite surprised that not once during that holiday did the theme tune for Eastenders blare up during the many nights at home, it really was just like a soap opera. Previous marriages that my parents had had came to light, doors were slammed, I was even close to being thrown out at one point. My younger brother was finally told that my parents were splitting up (!) and at the end of the holiday my mum moved out.
I was lucky, I had Lancaster to escape to, I had a loving Church Family and CU who reached out to me with open arms as I returned. Most of all, I had the God of the Universe who had stepped into history as Jesus Christ to die for me. My brother had none of those things. He is still an unbeliever, and that is so hard...
Here comes the turning point, from bad to worse, for it is at this point that I think depression came, and to a certain extent, it was my fault.
I returned to Moorlands, hard and cynical, just not vocal as of yet. That was my choice. God had done nothing wrong, He never does. Although we may not know why we suffer, it is not a vindictive God inflicting us, after all, we live in a fallen world with fallen people. Suffering is a given, especially as Christians we are to stand out for Christ our Saviour. Suffering is inevitable, it is how we react that we need to focus on. Not 'Why God?' but 'How can I glorify you God?'
That first Sunday, the sermon was on Psalm 22 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?'. "Very apt," I whispered to Jo, and her face bore a look of horror.
This was my active rebellion against the God who had died for me, and it was from here I began to succumb to my own selfish thoughts and desires, which, combined with harder and harder external events cemented depression in me.
This would last a long time. Sermons would go over my head, my Bible time, though continuing, was again going in one ear and out the other. It is indeed by God's grace alone that He used me as a CU small group leader at the time.
The summer came and went, and back again for a second year. Now, my work ethic has never been exactly brilliant, at all. My apathy in second year however, reached new heights. i barely attended any lectures or seminars, did no work, and ended the term earning four zero's for all my, not done, coursework.
At this point I must note, with pain, that my behaviour was atrocious. I got sickeningly drunk, twice, in the space of one month, and I was taking out all my frustrations out on Jo, my own girlfriend.
Again, it is God's miracle that He used me as a CU leader at the time. To be honest I should have been sacked, but thankfully God uses for His glory. We can do nothing without Him.
We are now at around February time, I was using Jo as basically an emotional punchbag, while turning my attention on to other things, and hating my own church.
A paraphrase of an MSN conversation that Jo and I had at the time, when she asked what was wrong went something along these lines. "This is my life, I go on unscheduled set up, ending up standing alone and threatened with excommunication if I don't talk to people. Talk unhelpful, stand alone and go home. Then back for Real Food [our small group Bible study] again unhelpful. Then I go back to my academic week which I love so much...do no work, feel crap, and then we are back to Sunday again...because I know [Moorlands] hate me, and want me out of their church, and to be honest, I may just give them the satisfaction."
This is depression, getting sucked into your own negative thoughts and feelings, getting extremely paranoid, and losing your focus on God. A depressed person is a haven for the devil, accusing us and burdening us with our guilt so we forget God's grace, and focus on what we want in a desperate bid to be happy.
I mean, look at me, I had an amazing church, which I was saying such horrible things about!
Everything culminated around that time. It was obvious now how I was treating Jo, and how my behaviour was frankly shocking. Danny called me round to his house one Wednesday morning, and laid it all out for me. He never shouted, not once, he clearly pointed out what I was doing, and why it was wrong. I shouted, I blamed him, I blamed Moorlands, I blamed everyone except myself.
Danny told me that the best thing to do was finish with Jo, as I was treating her badly. I did not want to, I begged not to. But it was the best thing. So that evening we finished, we needed space, and I needed to do a lot of thinking and doing.
I saw a doctor, and was put on anti-depressants.
That week I read the Bible, and prayed, I was challenged to change, and by God's ultimate grace, I was able to repent of nearly a year's worth of pain, of hurt, of sin.
God brought me out of that dark place, and by the summer, I was off the drugs, and God has been strengthening me always. Even though times now are so hard, postponing the wedding, stuck in unemployment, not knowing what will happen, I know God is in control. "The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD" (Job 1:21).
God is the God who made the world, gave us life, took the punishment for our own rebellion by sending Jesus to the cross, and is bringing us together under Him, a new land, His people being blessed by Him. One day we will live with God as God, sin will be no more. There will no longer be any pain or crying. Jesus blood has washed away my sin. All those horrible things I did when i had depression, all that guilt, we need not feel it, for God has rescued us, and we will be made perfect by Him.
We are part of His plan, chosen from the beginning to be made perfect by Him, through Jesus' blood, bringing about God's ultimate plan in uniting all under Him, for His glory. And we have His Spirit in us, the guarantor of that promise. (Ephesians 1:1-14).

When one has depression, they are apathetic, not enjoying what they usually enjoy, always sad, feeling worthless, like they want to die, feeling so far from the God who died for them. We need to get alongside our suffering brothers and sisters, and care for them. We need to keep gently reminding them of that eternal hope that we have, the gospel, keep loving them and supporting them as the grapple with the horrors of their own thoughts and feelings.

Romans 5:8 says "but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." We are loved and cherished by the God of the universe. We are hated by the devil, who poisons our vulnerable minds with his accusations. But we have that eternal hope, that blessing, that love that will NEVER be extinguished: the love of God, through Christ, to choose us before the foundation of the world, to set us apart to be made holy and blameless, and share in that painless New Creation, all because of God's grace for God's glory, not by anything we have done, or will do. The love of God surpasses any suffering we can ever face. One day we will see it fullfilled. Reflect on my favourite psalm "Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!" (Psalm 27:14)
God is in control, keep reminding each other with that, take sufferers to the Bible, and assure them, not with glib words or oft-quoted verses, but sit with them, love them, and point with them to the Bible, and show them again, the good news of Jesus Christ.

"For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation." (Romans 5:6-11)

We are sinful scumbags, whom God in His love died for us in Christ, so that we can be reconciled with God, safe from His wrath, safe in the knowledge that one day, we will see sufferings cease, sorrows die, the end of depression, the end of evil, for God has promised it, and He is God, trustworthy, reliable, awsome and merciful. Look at the ways He has been merciful to me, what I did was awful, yet God has kept me His, kept me going, used me, grown me, put me and Jo back together after everything, allowed me ears to hear and understand sermons, and strength to say no to those thoughts. Sometimes I'll fall into a slight relapse on a bad day, but I praise God that it is slight, that I can repent in an hour rather than in a year, and I praise the wonderous God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, the God of all comfort and reconciliation, the God of grace, our Rock of Ages, our Saviour and Redeemer, for laying His life in Christ down for me, for us all, for His glory, and for our good. Thanks forever be to God, for He has cleansed me and clothed me in righteousness. And I am no different from you, why should He save me and not you? Get repenting, get believing, get trusting our might, sovereign God.

Oh, and don't treat people like time bombs about to go off, it makes it feel worse. Love them by showing them the love of God in His word and in your life.

A Call to Biblical Manhood

During one of our many lake district trips in first year, there was a small disney section of a local shop, where Jo bought me a small Peter Pan figurine. I found it this morning as I was leaving the house, and I remembered why Peter Pan was selected. Not because it is incidently my favourite Disney movie, no. It was because I was (and I guess still am to a certain extent) just a big kid, frequenting toy shops, buying many a toy gun, and yeah, just basically acting childish. We bought Peter Pan as he was like me, a boy who never grew up.
And that is the way people want men to be now isn't it? Sat at home, doing nothing. The lazy man, the childish man, that is the man that most people want to be. The more femanine man perhaps. I don't know about you, but when I walk into a clothes shop nowadays, I find it increasingly harder to distinguish which section belongs to which gender. Men's sections are full of tight-fitting t-shirts, skinny jeans, cardigans (or mandigans as some of my CU friends call them). Even mankinis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mankini#Men.27s_bikini), guyliner and manscara now exist (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1039275/Introducing-Guy-liner-Manscara--new-metrosexual-make-just-men.html). Such products once exclusive to women are now part of a meterosexual culture.
A meterosexual is a man, who is heterosexual, but is feminised in his dress sense and indeed make up sense, and that seems to be the role model of today: people such as Russel Brand are today's heros. The place of a masculine man is falling.
What does the Bible think of this? Have a think for a second, what does it mean to you to be a Biblical man? Well, I will tell you.
Read Ephesians 5: 25-33: "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30because we are members of his body. 31 "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

To be a Biblical man, we must lead, self-sacrificially, just as Christ did for the church. It is not a time to be lazy, put on our manscara and stay playing the playstation all day. We are to lead as Christ led. To work hard, to build up those around us, to pray and study God's Word and encourage others. It is a hard job to be a man.

What needs to change in your life to glorify God as a man?

Parentals

I'm on my third bike today, courtesy of the parentals. It's got a wing mirror! HOW COOL IS THAT??

I was in sainsbury's just over a week ago. My unfortunate timing meant that I was in there on campus moving in day, so the place was full of new freshers and their parents, their food supply being catered for for what seemed like all of their degree.
For the majority, the scenarios were the same: surly looking fresher, protesting again and again that they can take care of themselves, they are at uni now, they want to be independent, away from the chiding of fussing parents. While the flustered mums and dads pile their trolleys, and I even caught one dad shout "We are stocking you up till Christmas!"
We all do it don't we. We get to uni, and we suddenly think we can take care of ourselves, buy our own food, cook it, budget, be what our parents have been for the past 18-19 years in the space of getting out of the car outside your new room for the first time.
To be fair, I am one of them, to this day I sigh at my fussing parents, I want my independence, I want to do things my own way. I am me.
Sound familiar?
Think about it, that is exactly what we have done with God. God has made us, fed us, clothed us, given His own life for us in Jesus Christ, and how have we responded? "I know best God, you don't. Let me do things my own way."
We do to our parents as we have done to God. The consequences for both are dire.
Listen: "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you." (Exodus 20:12)
This is not a redundant commandment. As God is our Father and deserves honour from us, so it should be with the parents who brought us up.
Again "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise), "that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land." Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:1-4)
It's interesting isn't it? Paul notes in verse one that this is the first commandment with a promise. That promise is that it may go well with you. Now, I do not at any point claim expertise on the Bible, and to be honest, I do not have much of an idea of what it means. To speculate slightly, I think it could refer to the fact that our parents in general have been given wisdom to parent, so when they say they know best, they generally do.
To demonstrate, I was told to cook and eat well by my parents whilst at university. Let me tell you, I did not. My diet in first year? Two trips a day to Spar, to the hot food processed cabinet, and the confectionery section. Expensive and unhealthy. My parents knew best, and indeed, it would have gone well for me if I had eaten better.
That is one thought on the matter anyway.
What our reaction should be, in actuality, when our parents fuss, when they try to help you, is accept it, graciously, and honour them in their decisions. Another example of a somewhat extreme point is when Jo and I had to postpone our wedding thanks to the current job climate. Now, that was the sensible decision, but stubborn me did not want to take it, at all. In fact, the only way the decision was made was two-fold, one was that Jo didn't want to, and two, it was because her father did not want to give her away to me into a volatile situation. That swung it. I am not claiming that I was an obedient person, it took time. But the challenge of this command is to indeed honour your father and mother, even if they are not your own by blood in this case.
Of course, we do not want to say that our parents are perfect, not at all, they are sinful human beings too. Read verse 4 again "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."
Some points of note: this passage is addressed to fathers because, as the rest of the sentence highlights, it is the job of the father to teach, to lead his wife and family as Christ led and taught the church, self-sacrificially. (FOR MORE ON THIS, PLEASE READ EPHESIANS 5:22-33 AND COME TO ME WITH ANY QUESTIONS.)
There is also a challenge to parents, to not exasperate their children, but teach them what the Bible says rather than hide behind the "I know best because I am your dad/mum" frame. This is the challenge I think to parents, to relinquish their authority over you. Biblically speaking, this ends the day the child marries, for as Genesis 2:24 states quite clearly "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."
Your challenge: to love and honour your parents by submitting to them, to acknowledging their help (because believe me, you will want to accept any freebie your parents give you while you are a penniless student!)
I know people who have lost their parents, and I confess before you that I am rubbish at honouring my parents, especially my non-Christian father. Do not think for one second that I have any moral high ground whatsoever. My parents are ace, they have supported me all the way through uni, and even more so now I am unemployed. There really is no excuse.

Read Ephesians 6:1-4 again, and then go and ring your parents.